The Teacher tells the class they are going to play a game,she will describe an object and the students will tell herwhat she had described. Teacher: "The first object is Red, Round, and has a stem. " Timmy: " I know what it is, it's an apple. " Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking. " "OK the next item is round, has a peel, and you eat it. "Christopher: "I know what it is, it's an orange. " Teacher: "That's right, I like the way you're thinking. " Johnny: "Can I try, Teacher? " Teacher: "Yes Johnny, but, Keep it clean!" Johnny sticks his hands in his pockets and feels around for asecond, and says "My object is round, hard, and has a head on it. " Teacher: "Alright Johnny, go to the office!" Johnny: "No Teacher, it's a quarter, but, I like the way you're thinking!"
If Thinking Machines made toasters. . . You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.
Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 cucumbers. The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, you'll get a 25% discount !" The nuns look at each other, and after a prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other:"We could eat the 30, I suppose. "
A man was wandering around a fairground and he happened to see afortune-teller's tent. Thinking it would be good for a laugh, hewent inside and sat down. "Ah. . . . . " said the woman as she gazedinto her crystal ball. "I see you are the father of two children. ""That's what you think," said the man scornfully. "I'm the fatherof THREE children. " The woman grinned and said, "That's what YOUthink. "
A young woman stops into her local pharmacy to pick a supply of tampons for herself. She goes to the aisle where they are located and sees they are priced at five boxes for one dollar. Thinking this is a misprint; she finds a clerk and asks if this can possibly be the correct price. The clerk replies, "Yes it is the correct price. For one week only, you can purchase five boxes of tampons for one dollar, no strings attached. "
The young lady admired the watch in the store window every time she walked by it. She finally entered the shop one day and said, "Just how much is that watch? ""It's $2000, ma'am. ""Hmmm. Well, would you consider time payments for it? ""Just what sort of 'time schedule' did you have in mind? ""I was thinking two times a week for the next two months. "
Did you hear about the flasher who was thinking of retiring? He decided to stick it out for one more year!
A group of cowboys were branding some cattle. While they were out the cooksaw a sheep tied to a post. Thinking it was for that nights dinner hecooked it. That night after dinner the cowboys were all sulking andignoring the cook. He pulled one aside and asked, "Did I screw up thecooking. . . " "No", the cowboy replied, "You cooked up the screwing. "
An elderly man thinking his wife was losing her hearing went about20' behind her and asked "Can you hear me sweetheart"? . No reply. Moved to 10' and inquired again. No reply. 5' and not a word. A few inches behind ear, he asked "Can you hear me now honey"? His wife said "For the fourth time, yes. "
|Two blondes had driven across the country to see Disney World in Florida. As they approached it and got onto the final stretch of highway, they saw a sign saying "Disney World Left!"After thinking for a minute, the driver blonde said "Oh well!" and started driving back home.
|Two neighbors were talking about work, when one asked, "Say, why did the foreman fire you? "Replied the second, "Well, you know how a foreman is always standing around and watching others do the work. My foreman got jealous. People started thinking I was the foreman. "
|One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE. " It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE. " The policeman arrested her on the spot.
|After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia? ". Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia? "
There was a blonde, a red head, and a brunette and they were all up in space. Each girl tried thinking up ways to be better then the other two. . . The red head said, "I am going to be the first woman to land on mars. " The brunette said, "I can beat that, I'll be the first woman to land on saturn. " The blonde said, "I'll beat both of you, I'll be the first woman to land on the sun. " "How are you going to do that", the other two asked. "Simple", said the blonde. "I'll go at night!"
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm invisible. Psychiatrist: What!. . . who said that?
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a curtain. Psychiatrist: Pull yourself together!
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking I'm a dustbin. Psychiatrist: Don't talk such rubbish!
Patient: Doctor, I keep thinking that I'm a deck of cards!Psychiatrist: Sit over there and I'll deal with you later!
Anna's mother has 3 kids. . . the youngest daughter's name is Penny. . . the middle daughter's name is Nickel. . . . . . . What is the oldest daughter's name? You think you know it? ? ? Aww. . a smart one you are! You were probably thinking her name was Dime. . . . but if you were really smart you would know that the oldest daughters name is Anna!!!
You Might Be A Redneck. . . . . . If your dad walks u to school 'cause you're in the same grade! . . . If u mow the grass and find the car! . . . If someone comes to your house everyday thinking you're having a garage sale! . . . If u sell the car 4 gas money!