A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks. "I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum. "The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes the client asks in garbled speech. "And what if I swallow it? ""No problem," says the barber. "Just bring it back tomorrow like everyone else does. "
What's the difference between Love, True Love and showing off? Spit, swallow and gargle.
If the bird of wisdom is an owl, and the bird of peace is the dove, what is the bird of TRUE love? The Swallow. Sent by Denise
A Short History of MedicineI have an earache. . . 2000 B. C. - Here, eat this root. 1000 A. D. - That root is heathen. Here, say this prayer. 1850 A. D. - That prayer is superstition. Here, drink this potion. 1940 A. D. - That potion is snake oil. Here, swallow this pill. 1985 A. D. - That pill is ineffective. Here, take this antibiotic. 2000 A. D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
TOP 10 McGreevey jokes. . . . 10 NJ state bird - swallow. 9 New Jersey Turnpike renamed Hershey Highway. 8 NJ raises terror alert level to lavender. 7 We know he didn't like bush, but this is ridiculous. 6 Now we know why McGreevey enjoyed "polling" so much. 5 What does McGreevey and the Israeli navy have in common? Jewish seamen. 4 NJ DMV now calls rear-end accidents a "mcgreevey". 3 Gives new meaning to "stuffing the ballot box". 2 Post headline: "McGreevey goes down!" 1 It shouldn't take McGreevey long to get out of the governor's mansion - he's already got all his schitt packed!
|A man was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However he was not prepared to pay the high prices, and after having failed to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, ended up shouting "I don't give two hoots for your shoes man, I'll go and kill my own "croc!," to which the shopkeeper replied, "by all means, just watch out for those two "ole boys" who are doing the same!". So the man went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. 'They must be the 'ole boys' he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The guy stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow the him, he struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already laying Together the two guys threw the gator onto its back, where-upon one exclaimed "Darn! This one doesn't have any shoes either!".
|Here's a delightful treat someone once made for an office Christmas party:A gelatin mold should be made with Knox Unflavored Gelatin and red food coloring. One would think that a flavorless food would not be at all difficult to swallow, but believe me, from the looks of people who inserted cold masses of gelatinous glop into a mouth that was expecting sweets, the experience is unexplainably horrifying! Some claimed to be nauseated by the feel of it; others politely swallowed.
Questions: 1. When I go in I might cause pain. I cause you to spit and ask you not to swallow. I can fill your hole. What am I? 2. A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you're bored. The best man always has me first. What am I? 3. I'm spread before I'm eaten. Your tongue gets me off. People sometimes like to lick my nuts. What am I? 4. I go in hard. I come out soft. You blow me hard . What am I? 5. All day long it's in and out. I discharge loads from my shaft. Both men and women go down on me. What am I? 6. I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I drip. When You blow me you feel good. What am I? 7. If I miss, I hit your bush. It's my job to stuff your box. When I come, it's news. What am I? 8. I offer protection. I get the finger ten times. You use your fingers to get me off. What am I? 9. I assist an erection. Sometimes big balls hang from me. I'm called a big swinger. What am I? 10. I'm at least 6 inches long. I leave foamy lubrication when engaged in my job. What am I? Answers: 1. a dentist 2. a wedding ring 3. peanut butter 4. chewing gum 5. an elevator 6. a nose 7. a newspaper boy 8. a glove 9. a crane 10. a toothbrush, of course! Now Really! Just what were you thinking?
A short history of medicine: I have an earache. 2000 B. C. - Here, eat this root 1000 A. D. - That root is heathen, say this prayer. 1850 A. D. - That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. 1940 A. D. - That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill. 1985 A. D. - That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. 2000 A. D. - That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though they were a very large mammal their throat was very small. The little girl stated Jonah was swallowed by a whale. The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human it was impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah. " The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell? " The little girl replied, "Then you ask him. "
10. I admire your strength, I admire your spunkBut the thing I like best, is getting you drunk. 9. Our love will never become cold and hollowUnless, one day, you refuse to swallow. 8. I bought this Valentine's card at the storeIn hopes that, later, you'd be my whore. 7. This feels so good, it feels so rightI just wish it wasn't $250 a night. 6. You're a woman of style, you're a woman of classEspecially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass. 5. Before I met you, my heart was so famishedBut now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!4. Through all the things that came to passOur love has grown. . . but so's your ass. 3. You're a honey. . . and you're a cutieI just wished you had J-Lo's "booty". 2. I don't wanna be sappy or silly or cornySo, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!1. If you think that hickey looks like a blister,you should check out the one that I gave to your sister!
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan, when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. "They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of the shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female, "Let's swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. " At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blowjob, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
Q: How do you drown a blonde? A1: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool. A2: Don't tell her to swallow. A3: Leave a scratch and sniff at the bottom of the pool.
10. Could our relationship be more physical? ? I'm tired of being just friends. 9. Go ahead and leave the seat up. It's easier for me to douche that way. 8. I think hairy butts are really sexy. 7. Hey, get a whiff of that one. 6. Please don't throw that old T-shirt away. The holes in the armpit are just to too cute. 5. This diamond is just way too big. 4. I won't even put my lips on that thing unless I get to swallow. 3. Wow!! It really is 14 inches. 2. Does this make my butt look too small? ? 1. I'm wrong, you must be right again. .
A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature. " The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature!"What else do you have? " asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math? "The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. "I have to take that huge pill for math? " inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow. "
What is the difference between 'like' and 'love'? Answer: spit and swallow!
3 elderly gentlemen were sitting on a park bench discussing what the meanest animal in the world was. The first said, "The meanest animal in the world is a Hippopotamus, cause it's got such big jowls. One bite and your gone. "The second shook his head and said "Nah, hippo may be mean, but ain't nothing meaner than an alligator. He got a big mouth and all them teeth, snap ? , one bite, ha, one swallow, you gone. "The third gentleman sat for a moment, and finally he spoke and said, " No sir, the meanest aninmal in the world is a hippagator. "The other two in disbelief inquired as to what in the world is a hippagator, believing there was no such animal. The gentleman slowly began to explain, " A hippagator got a hippo head on one end, and an 'gator head on the other""WAIT ! interrupted the others, "If he has a head on both ends, How does he shit ? "The reply was simply," He don't, that's what makes him so mean".
There were three guys talking in the pub. Two of them are talking about the amount of control they have over their wives, while the third remains quiet. After a while one of the first two turns to the third and says, "Well, what about you, what sort of control do you have over your wife? "The third fellow says, "I'll tell you. Just the other night my wife came to me on her hands and knees. "The first two guys were amazed. "Wow! What happened then? " they asked. The third man took a healthy swallow of his beer, sighed and uttered, "She said, "'Get out from under the bed and fight like a man. "
A male whale and a female whale were swimming off the coast of Japan when they noticed a whaling ship. The male whale recognized it as the same ship that had harpooned his father many years earlier. He said to the female whale, "Let's both swim under the ship and blow out of our air holes at the same time and it should cause the ship to turn over and sink. " They tried it and sure enough, the ship turned over and quickly sank. Soon however, the whales realized the sailors had jumped overboard and were swimming to the safety of shore. The male was enraged that they were going to get away and told the female "lets swim after them and gobble them up before they reach the shore. "At this point, he realized the female was becoming reluctant to follow him. "Look," she said, "I went along with the blow job, but I absolutely refuse to swallow the seamen!"
1) I'm bored. Let's shave my pussy!2) Shouldn't you be out drinking with your friends? 3) Great fart!! Rip another one!4) Pet names are silly. I just call it my c*nt. 5) You should see the shit I just birthed. 6) I'd rather play Duke Nukem than go shopping. 7) Let's start subscribing to Hustler. 8) Would you like to see a video of me going down on my friend? 9) I'll swallow it all. I love the taste of it!10) Are you sure you've had enough to drink? I'm buying.