Q: Why couldn't the blond pass her drivers test? A: Every time the car stopped she jumped in the backseat.
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ? " he asked. "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother. "
On his way out of church, Frank stopped at the door to speak to the minister. "Would it be right," he asked, "for a person to profitfrom the mistakes of another? " "Absolutely not!" replied the pastor. "In that case," said the young man, "I wonder if you'd considerreturning the hundred dollars I paid you to marry my wife and melast July. "
HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIEDOld aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next. " They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
A pedophile dies in a car crash and goes to heaven. He's stopped atthe pearly gates by St. Peter, who is really miffed:"You swine. How can you have the audacity to try and enter heaven afteryou have lead such a perverted, ungodly life. Do you think you have asnowballs chance in hell of meeting god? ""Fuck God. . . I'm after the baby Jesus. "
A Lutheran minister is driving down to New York to see the radio show and he's stopped in Connecticut for speeding. The state trooper smells alcohol on his breath and then he sees an empty wine bottle on the floor, and he says, "Sir, have you been drinking? "And the minister says, "Just water. "The sheriff says, "Then why do I smell wine? "And the minister looks down at the bottle and says, "Good Lord, He's done it again!"
The Lone Ranger and Tonto had been riding down the trailall day. When they had stopped to take a rest Tontoplaced his ear to the ground and listened. "Buffalo come," remarked Tonto. "How can you tell, Tonto? " asked the Lone Ranger. "Face sticky. "
Two men were stopped by a TV newswoman doing streetinterviews about the upcoming presidential primary election. "I'm not voting for any of the candidates," the first man said. "Idon't know any of them. ""I feel the same way," the second man said. "Only I knowthem all. "
Little old Mr. Ravelli is on his front stoop, barbequeing a chicken on a manual rotisserie. A drunk comes walking along and says, "Hey, man. . . the music stopped, and your monkey's on fire. "
|Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem? " "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," explained the Flight Attendant, "and it took us a while to find a new pilot. "
|According to "The Australian," an airliner recently encountered severe vibration in flight. The captain decided to make an emergency landing, and switched on the seat belt sign. The vibration stopped immediately. A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he had been jogging in place inside.
|Juggler, driving to his next performance, was stopped by the police. "What are those knives doing in your car? " asked the officer. "I juggle them in my act. " "Oh yeah? " says the cop. "Let's see you do it. " So the juggler starts tossing and juggling the knives. A guy driving by sees this and says, "Wow, am I glad I quit drinking. Look at the test they're making you do now!"
|One day there was a woman who lost her cat named "LOVE. " It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for LOVE. " The policeman arrested her on the spot.
|The cop got out of his car and the kid, that was stopped for speeding, rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the cop said. The guy replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could. " When the cop finally stopped laughing, he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.
|The man was in no shape to drive, so he wisely left his car parked and walked home. As he was walking unsteadily along, he was stopped by a policeman. "What are you doing out here at 2 A. M. ? " said the officer. "I'm going to a lecture. " the man said. "And who is going to give a lecture at this hour? " the cop asked. "My wife. " said the man.
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. "Unlawful to Pass School Bus from Either Direction"I guess that some people misunderstood that, because now it reads:"Unlawful to Pass Stopped School Bus from Either Direction".
|In hearing an Irish case of assault and battery, counsel, in cross examining one of the witnesses, asked him what they had the first place they stopped at. "Four glasses of ale," was the reply. "Next? " "Two glasses of whiskey. " "Next? " "One glass of brandy. " "Next? " "A fight. "
One day the Lone Ranger and his companion Tonto were walking through the desert when Tonto suddenly stopped, bent down to the ground and said, - "Buffalo Come!"And the Lone Ranger said, "How do you know Tonto? "Tonto replied, - "Ear stuck to ground. . . "
Bill Clinton and Hillary were travelling in a car. They stopped at a filling station. They saw Hillary's young lover there. Bill said to hillary if you were still with him, you were the wife of a filling station owner. Hillary said " NO! Then he would be the president of United States"