Your family is so poor, when I went to your house I stepped on a cigarette and your Daddy shouted, “Hey, who turned off the heater!”
Some time after their bitter divorce, a man happened to pull up alongside his ex-wife at a traffic signal. He shouted over, "So. . . out looking for a little, huh ? " She smiled sweetly and said, "No, I had 6 years of that with you. I'm out looking for a lot !!!"
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wifein bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'See, I told you he was stupid'
A ventriloquist was driving in the country when he was attracted to alarge farm. He asked for and was given a tour. As he was shown through the barn, the ventriloquist thought he'd havesome fun. He proceeded to make one of the horses talk. The hired hand, wide-eyed with fear, rushed from the barn to thefarmer. "Sam," he shouted, "those animals are talking! If that sheepsays anything about me, it's a damned lie!"
A man spoke frantically into the phone: "My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child? " the emergency operator asked. "No, you idiot!" the man shouted. "This is her husband!"
This bloke was ordered from the pool for pissing in the water. "That's ridiculous!" he shouted at the pool manager. "Everybody does it,you know. ""That may be so," came the reply, "but usually not from the diving board. "
"Hey, Pal", the irate druggist shouted, "Put that cigar outwhile you are in my store!""I bought this cigar here!" claimed the Customer. "Big Deal!", said the Druggist. "We sell condoms too. "
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there. " The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck? "
Bill and Hillary are at the first baseball game of the season. SuddenlyClinton grabs Hillary by thecollar and throws her over the side and onto the field. The stunnedumpire shouted, "No, Mr. President!I said, Throw the first PITCH!"
The politician was sitting at his campaign headquarters when the phone rang. He listened intently, and after a moment his face brightened. When he hung up, he immediately phoned his mother to tell her the good news. "Ma," he shouted, "the results are in. I won the election!" "Honestly? " The politician's smiled faded. "Aw hell, ma, why bring that up at a time like this? "
|A young attorney who had taken over his father? s practice rushed home elated one night. "Dad, listen," he shouted, "I? ve finally settled that old McKinney suit. ""Settled it!" cried his astonished father. "Why, you idiot! We have been living off of that money for five years!"
|"You are a cheat!" shouted the attorney to his opponent. "And you're a liar!" bellowed the opposition. Banging his gavel loudly, the judge interjected, "Now that both attorneys have been identified for the record, let's get on with the case. "
|The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone? ""Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business. "
|A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers. The first one shouted, "Nobody move!" When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
The boss came early in the morning one day and found his manager kissing his secretary. He shouted at him, "Is this what I pay you for? " The manager replied: "No, sir, this I do free of charge. "
The Top Old Fart Games:10. Musical Recliners9. Spin the bottle of Mylanta8. Hide and Go Pee7. Simon Says something Incoherent6. Doc, Doc Goose5. Red Rover, Red Rover, the Nurse says Bend Over4. Kick the Bucket3. 20 Questions Shouted into your Good Ear2. Pin the Toupee on the Bald Guy1. Sag, You're It
Farmer Brown had been screwing one of his pigs for 5 years, when all of a sudden he was hit by pangs of conscience. It bothered him so much that he decided that he just had to tell his priest about it in confession. The priest was shocked and could only say to Farmer Brown, "Well, was the pig a male or a female? ""A female, of course," shouted Farmer Brown!. "What do you think I am. . . some sort of queer? "
A husky foreigner, looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms. When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair. The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there. "The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or fuck? "
The man came home to find evidence that his wife had been unfaithful. "Was it my friend Steve? " he yelled. "No," she said. "Was it my friend James? " he then asked. "What? " she shouted. "Don't you think I have any friends of my own? "
A doctor rushed out of his study room. "Get me my bag!" he shouted. "Why, what's the matter? " inquired his pretty young wife. "Some fellow just phoned and said he can't live without me," he gasped as he reached for his hat. The young wife sighed. "Just a moment," she said gently. "I think that call was for me. "