A bear is chasing a rabbit through a forest. They find a bottle and decide to rub it. A genie pops out. He says "I will grant each of you three wishes. "The bear says "I wish all the bears in the forest were females. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a motorcycle. " *poof* It's done. The bear says "I wish all the bears in this country were females. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "I wish for a lifetime supply of carrots back at my house. " *poof* It's done. The bear is thinking to himself "why is the rabbit wasting his wishes on stupid small things? oh well. " "And for my third wish, I wish that all the bears in the world were female. " *poof* It's done. The rabbit says "For MY last wish, I want the bear to be gay. " And he rides off on his motorcycle.
What occurs twice in a lifetime, but only once in ayear, twice in a week, but never in a day? The letter "E"Sent by T. JONES
The dean of women at an exclusive girl's college was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "In moments of temptation," said the speaker to the class, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame? "A sweet young thing in the back of the room rose to ask: "How do you make it last an hour? "
At a Texas University, a Professor had been teaching his students humanreproduction. For an exam, one of the questions was: "Female humans are bornwith a limited number of eggs, while males, during their lifetime, producemillions upon millions of sperm. Why are so many sperm produced? " Oneyoung woman's answer: "Because they won't ask for directions either. "
|Tigers really are as big and poofy and soft as they look, and they purr like a freight train going by. You find this out by taking one for a walk. To take a tiger for a walk, you first need a tiger. Tigers fresh from the bush are not recommended for the inexperienced. What you need is one who's used to the procedure. He or she is thus liable to be merely playful, rather than actively irritated. You also need a friend, whom you really, really trust. The friend carries an apple wood cane; apple, or some other wood which will bend under stress rather than shattering. This, friend, is your backup, and the cane is his or her only tool for everything, from knocking stuff out of the way that the tiger is liable to eat, to crowd control, to hooking on and madly hanging on if things go wrong. What YOU carry is a ten foot length of pass-link chain. This is your leash. Pass-link chain is the stuff where the links will fit through each other. This is important. You need this so you can hook on a safety clip. The chain is looped about the tiger's neck and acks as a giant choke-chain, but the clip is there to keep a loop of some sort in case things go badly wrong. You carry the chain looped in one hand in a peculiar fashion which permits the whole length of chain to be dragged from your hand without taking your hand and/or arm with it. You practice this beforehand till you're sure you've got it right. Then you go into the cage with the tiger. Your friend does not. You gauge the tiger's mood and put the leash on the tiger. There isn't a whole lot more to say about this step except to say that that is why your friend is there, OUTside the cage. On your side is the fact that the tiger knows what the leash is for by this time and presumably is largely in favor of the idea. This is where you find out that tigers are soft and poofy. They are also much, much larger than you had ever dreamed, when you're standing next to one. Then you take the tiger for a walk. Your friend walks in front with the cane to clear the way. You walk with the tiger at your side, keeping pretty good control and letting the tiger know that you are Paying Attention, because if the tiger thinks you are not Paying Attention, it will do what housecats do, let you know that you should be Paying Attention. Unlike housecats, the tiger is big enough not to have to do anything truly outrageous to rectify the situation. Reaching behind you with one forepaw and sweeping your legs out from under you is generally considered good enough by most tigers. They think this is hilarious. To this extent, tigers differ from housecats in that they seem to have a sense of humor. It is possible that the tiger will see something that it wants. In this case, the tiger will go where it wants to go, and your job is to stop it. This is generally done by wrapping the chain around something that you pass, as the tiger drags you away. This will slow it down enough for your friend to jump on top of you and grab the chain as you go bulleting across the countryside. The weight of two adult humans will generally slow a tiger down enough to make things manageable, whereas one will not. It is not usual for the tiger to react to freedom by turning around and turning you into fajitas, though this would actually (at least in the short term) be an eminently practical thing for the tiger to do. They enjoy their fun but are generally not ill-tempered. If they are they don't get taken for walks. They also purr like a freight train passing. Experts in the field claim that this is not purring, that it means something else, but you couldn't put it by me. Sure sounded like purring, at 16-2/3 RPM, but it sounded like purring. All in all, an experience I highly recommend as a lifetime source of cocktail party conversation, but it sort of tends to leave you limp for the rest of the day.
|1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan-start-finish, but is wait-plan-plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. December 18, 1992In October, a cleaning crew accidentally tossed out an exhibit at the Museum of Discovery and Science in Fort Lauderdale, Fla. The exhibit consisted of 14,000 cigarette butts -- the amount a smoker produces in a lifetime -- crammed into coffee cans. Said the artist, in defense of the cleaning crew, "(The butts) didn't smell very good. "
|LAW 1: No matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime. LAW 2: Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former. LAW 3: Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. LAW 4: Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down. LAW 5: No matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath of the universe. LAW 6: The higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor. LAW 7: Every par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers. The shorter the hole, the greater its desire. LAW 8: Topping a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man. LAW 9: Palm trees eat golf balls. LAW 10: Sand is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against you? LAW 11: Golf carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. LAW 12: A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent -- or some similar combination. LAW 13: All 3-woods are demon-possessed. LAW 14: Golf balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water (See Law three). LAW 15: A severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty. LAW 16: "Nice lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt. " Similarly, "tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss an easy one, sucker. "LAW 17: The person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who beats you. LAW 18: The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be. LAW 19: Golf should be given up at least twice per month. LAW 20: All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.
The Dean of Women at an exclusive girls' school was lecturing her students on sexual morality. "We live today in very difficult times for young people. In moments of temptation," she said, "ask yourself just one question: Is an hour of pleasure worth a lifetime of shame? " A young woman rose in the back of the room and said, "Excuse me, but how do you make it last an hour? "
Supposedly, these are actual advertisements that have appeared in papers across the country. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. We build bodies that last a lifetime. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. UsedCars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!
. . Placemats. They only show up when there's food on the table. . . Mascara. They usually run at the first sign of emotion. . . Bike helmets. They're good in emergencies but usually just look silly. . . Government bonds. They take so long to mature. . . Copiers. You need them in reproduction but that's about it. . . Lava lamps. Fun to look at it but not all that bright. . . Bank accounts. Without a lot of money they don't generate a lot of interest. . . High heels. They're easy to walk on once you get the hang of it. . . Curling irons. They're always hot and always in your hair. . . Mini skirts. If your not careful they'll creep up your legs. . . Handguns. Keep one around long enough and your gonna want to shoot it. . . Floor tiles. Lay them right the first time and you can walk on them for a lifetime. . . Parking spots. The good ones are taken, and the rest are too small. . . Bananas. The older they get, the less firm they are.
Why don't you go to the library and brush up on your ignorance? I hear you changed your mind! What did you do with the diaper? You have an inferiority complex -- and it's fully justified. You are not as bad as people say -- you are worse! Do you have to leave so soon? I was about to poison the tea. I'm busy now. Can I ignore you some other time? Whom am I calling "stupid"? I don't know. What's your name? Take a vacation go to Club Dead. Your mouth is getting too big for your muzzle. You are as strong as an ox and almost as intelligent. You are living proof of reincarnation. No one could possibly get to be so stupid in just one lifetime. You grow on people -- like a wart!
You must have gotten up on the wrong side of the cage this morning. I would ask you how old you are, but I know you can't count that high. In the next life, you'll blaze a way for us. You are master in your own house -- the doghouse! When you die, I'd like to go to your funeral, but I'll probably have to go to work that day. I believe in business before pleasure. You make me believe in reincarnation. Nobody can be as stupid as you in one lifetime. Believe me, I don't want to make a monkey out of you. Why should I take all the credit? I hear you are very kind to animals, so please give that face back to the gorilla. Keep talking. I always yawn when I'm interested. Some day you will find yourself -- and wish that you hadn't. People clap when they see you -- their hands over their eyes or ears. Whatever is eating you -- must be suffering horribly.
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitely small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
A man phones home from his office and tells his wife: "Something has just come up. I have a chance to go fishing for a week. It's the opportunity of a lifetime. We leave right away. So pack my clothes, my fishing equipment, and especially my blue silk pajamas. I'll be home in an hour to pick them up. "He goes home in a hurry and grabs everything and rushes off. A week later he returns. His wife asks: "Did you have a good trip, dear? "He says: " Oh yes, great! But you forgot to pack my blue silk pajamas. "His wife smiles and says, "Oh no I didn't. I put them in your tackle box!"
1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. 2. I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses. 3. I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration. 4. I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount of bodily injury I could expect to receive from missing them. 5. I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations. 6. I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the amount of time given. 7. I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though infinitesimally small, is not exactly zero. 8. If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year. 9. I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to change my mind. 10. I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, when I get around to it. 11. I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior to beginning the greater task. 12. I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but is wait/plan/plan. 13. I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever. 14. I will become a member of the ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles (the Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.
As the following classified classics will demonstrate, there are often more laughs on the advertising and classified pages than you can find in the cartoons and comic strips:Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00. For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory. Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent. For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. For Sale -- Eight puppies from a German Shepperd and an Alaskan Hussy. Creative daily specials, including select offerings of beef, foul, fresh vegetables, salads, quiche. 7 ounces of choice sirloin steak, boiled to your likeness and smothered with golden fried onion rings. Great Dames for sale. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. 20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Save regularly in our bank. You'll never regret it. We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last. This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens. For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Man, honest. Will take anything. Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. See ladies blouses. 50% off!Holcross pullets. Starting to lay Betty Clayton, Granite 5-6204. Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1. 00. And these beauties from the radio:Ladies and gentlemen, now you can have a bikini for a ridiculous figure. Be with us again next Saturday at 10 p. m. for "High Fidelity," designed to help music lovers increase their reproduction. When you are thirsty, try 7-Up,the refreshing drink in the green bottle with the big 7 on it and u-p after. Tune in next week for another series of classical music programs from the Canadian Broadcorping Castration.
I was wondering if anyone else is having a problem with the Carbon Based Unit, Model # Homo Sapiens. The following is a list of constant problems:- A constant whining whenever the brain disengages after debating the virtues of the automobile selection process- Overheats when the air/gray matter ratio exceeds rational equilibrium in regard to ones own responsibility to auto maintenance- When mouth is placed in gear, makes loud noise whilst insulting the the auto professional. (see previous item)- Software controlling the "computer" is defective. . wild random responses to input stimuli (i. e. "Have you checked the oil. . ? ") - Motor controls are sluggish (i. e. response to traffic light stimuli and expected law abiding response)- Mouth continues to run long after brain has shut off - Touts superior performance, but functions do not perform as advertised- Lifetime warranty is a misnomer. Cannot get problems fixed under any policy- Model not eligible for trade in or replacement under Lemon LawI have attempted to contact the manufacturer of this model regarding these issues, but I have received no response. I can only assume that this creator does not stand by the product in question. Therefore, I am directing my attorney to file a Class Action suit on behalf of myself and my family. The basis for this suit is that the manufacturer did knowingly produce a defective product. Interested parties make contact my attorney:U. B. Taken1-800-Get-Awayor write:7734 Geton Withit Ave. Getalife, Hades 12345-678
•Include your children when baking cookies!•Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted•Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says•British Left Waffles on Falkland Islands•Lost: small apricot poodle. Reward. Neutered. Like one of the family. •A superb and inexpensive restaurant. Fine food expertly served by waitresses in appetizing forms. •Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children $2. 00. •For sale: an antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. •For sale: a quilted high chair that can be made into a table, pottie chair, rocking horse, refrigerator, spring coat, size 8 and fur collar. •Four-poster bed, 101 years old. Perfect for antique lover. •Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. •Wanted: 50 girls for stripping machine operators in factory•Wanted: Unmarried girls to pick fresh fruit and produce at night. •We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. •No matter what your topcoat is made of, this miracle spray will make it really repellent. •For Sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. •Great Dames for sale. •Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition. •Tired of cleaning yourself? Let me do it. •20 dozen bottles of excellent Old Tawny Port, sold to pay for charges, the owner having lost sight of, and bottled by us last year. •Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. •Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. •If you think you've seen everything in Paris, visit the Pere Lachasis Cemetery. It boasts such immortals as Moliere, Jean de la Fontain, and Chopin. •Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. •The hotel has bowling alleys, tennis courts, comfortable beds, and other athletic facilities. •Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. •Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast. •Sheer stockings. Designed for fancy dress, but so serviceable that lots of women wear nothing else. •Stock up and save. Limit: one. •Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. •We build bodies that last a lifetime. Offer expires December 31 or while supplies last. •This is the model home for your future. It was panned by Better Homes and Gardens. •For Sale--Diamonds $20; microscopes $15. •For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. •Man, honest. Will take anything. •Wanted: chambermaid in rectory. Love in, $200 a month. References required. •Wanted: Part-time married girls for soda fountain in sandwich shop. •Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. •Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first!•Christmans tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person. •Modular Sofas. Only $299. For rest or fore play. •Wanted: Hair-cutter. Excellent growth potential. •Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. •3-year-old teacher need for pre-school. Experience preferred. •Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. •Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops. •Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again. •See ladies blouses. 50% off!•Wanted: Preparer of food. Must be dependable, like the food business, and be willing to get hands dirty. •Illiterate? Write today for free help. •Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary. •Wanted. Widower with school-age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family. •Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating. •Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. •Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. •And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. •We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1. 00.
A husband is living proof that a wife can take a joke. A husband should never question his wife's judgement. Look whom she married!A lifetime in snooker my dearest, it's happened to you, so don't forget to chalk his cue and the first game you play make sure it's at the end of the day. A man is as good as he has to be; a woman as bad as she dares. A man needs a mistress, just to break the monogamy. A wedding is a funeral where a man smells his own flowers. A wedding ring is like a tourniquet; it cuts off your circulation. Advice to submariners: If torpedo overheats, load tube, go deep and eject. Advice to the new bride: You can't be treated like a doormat if you don't line down. Advice to the new bride: Never trust a husband too far or a bachelor too near. Two bits of advice to the new bride: One, tell your new husband that you have to have one night a week out with the girls, and, two, don't waste that night with the girls. After a moment of quite repose It's tum to tum and toes to toes After a moment of sheer delight It's back to back for the rest of the night. All marriages are happy; it's the living together afterward that causes all the problems. All men are born free and equal, but then lots of them grow up and get married. Always talk to your wife while you're making love. . . if there's a phone handy. . And the story of the man who called his son Vendetta, because he always had it in for him. . . And I shall love thee still my dear, until my wife is wise. Anybody who claims that marriage is a fifty-fifty proposition doesn't know the first thing about women or fractions. As she hears the wedding march, three things are foremost in a bride's mind: aisle, altar, hymn. As you slide down the bannister of life, may all the marital splinters be pointed in the right direction. Be sure to tie your nightie to your toes, 'cos you know where the wild goose goes. Before marriage, a man yearns for the woman he loves. After marriage, the 'Y' becomes silent. Bride, at wedding: Ever since I was a little girl, I've always wanted a prick like my mother's. Confucius say man who sink into woman's arms soon have arms in woman's sink. Confucius say wife for life is better than wife for strife. Congratulations, rots of ruck, sideways is great. Congratulations and best wishes on this very special day. Love Bill and Mary Farkin and the whole farkin family. Congratulations on finding a socket outlet for your plug!Congratulations on the termination of your isolation and may I express an appreciation of your determination to end the desperation and frustration which has caused you so much consternation in giving you the inspiration to make a combination to bring an accumulation to the population. Dear {bride}, Isn't it funny how history repeats itself? {Age of bride} years ago your mum and dad were putting you to bed with a dummy - and now it's happening all over again!Did you hear about the scientist whose wife had twins? He baptized one and kept the other as a control. Don't be too liberal at the country party or you'll wind up in Labor. Don't buy your bed from Grace Brothers (Myers); they stand behind everything they sell.