http://jokes.aspcode.net Sat, 04 Jul 2009 11:16:24 -0500 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.2.1 http://jokes.aspcode.net/6917/Love-stronger-than-death.aspx Fri, 03 Jul 2009 19:50:24 -0500 Filed as
Relationships jokes  , sweetheart jokes  , husband's jokes  , kneeling jokes  , beneath jokes  , tending jokes  , rustle jokes  , you're jokes  , smiled jokes The young widow was kneeling at her husband\'s grave tending to the weeds, when she felt the grass rustle beneath her skirt. She smiled and said \"Easy sweetheart, you\'re dead now ya know.\"Love stronger than death]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/6986/The-three-stages-of-sex-in-marriage.aspx Mon, 29 Jun 2009 17:04:24 -0500 Filed as
Relationships jokes  , Try-weekly jokes  , Tri-weekly jokes  , Try-weakly jokes  , marriage- jokes  , stages jokes  , tri jokes  , sex jokes The tri stages of sex in marriage- 1.Tri-weekly 2.Try-weekly 3.Try-weaklyThe three stages of sex in marriage. ]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/8980/The-Zen-Master-is-visiting-New-York-City.aspx Fri, 03 Jul 2009 06:45:24 -0500 Filed as
everything jokes  , responds jokes  , mychange jokes  , "Where's jokes  , visiting jokes  , "Change jokes  , whopays jokes  , within jokes  , vendor jokes The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to ahot dog vendor and says, \"Make me one with everything.\"The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, whopays with a $20 bill.The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. \"Where\'s mychange?\" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds, \"Change must come from within.\"The Zen Master is visiting New York City. . . ]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/8995/Thirty-minutes-before-a-plane-landed-its-cabin.aspx Tue, 30 Jun 2009 04:53:24 -0500 Filed as
onindicating jokes  , "Whoturned jokes  , lights""Oh jokes  , attendants jokes  , passengers jokes  , attendant jokes  , breakfast jokes  , 'fucking jokes  , awakened jokes Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin lights came on,indicating to the flight attendants that breakfast could be served.One of the passengers, upset because he was awakened, growled, \"Whoturned on the fucking lights!\"\"Oh, no sir,\" the nearest flight attendant replied. \"Those are the breakfast lights. You slept through the \'fucking lights.\'\"Thirty minutes before a plane landed, its cabin...]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/9837/Telephone-accident.aspx Sun, 28 Jun 2009 08:25:24 -0500 Filed as
discovered jokes  , eyewitness jokes  , telephone jokes  , exclaimed jokes  , Searching jokes  , witnesses jokes  , policeman jokes  , "Mister" jokes  , "Exactly jokes |The policeman arrived at the scene of an accident to find that a car had struck a telephone pole. Searching for witnesses, he discovered a pale, nervous young man in work clothes who claimed he was an eyewitness.\"Exactly where were you at the time of the accident?\" inquired the officer.\"Mister,\" exclaimed the telephone lineman, \"I was at the top of the pole!\"Telephone accident]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/10424/fit-over-a-bucket.aspx Fri, 03 Jul 2009 00:44:24 -0500 Filed as
hardest jokes  , milking jokes  , Getting jokes  , |What's jokes  , bucket jokes  , mouse jokes  , Jokes jokes  , over jokes  , part jokes |What\'s the hardest part of milking a mouse?Getting it to fit over a bucket!fit over a bucket!]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/10426/Sir.aspx Fri, 03 Jul 2009 02:07:24 -0500 Filed as
elephant jokes  , mouse jokes  , |What jokes  , Jokes jokes  , pick jokes  , Kids jokes  , call jokes  , Sir jokes  , can jokes |What do you call a mouse that can pick up an elephant?Sir!Sir!]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/10989/Paddy-and-Seamus.aspx Tue, 30 Jun 2009 01:22:24 -0500 Filed as
immediately jokes  , motorcycle jokes  , horrified jokes  , standing jokes  , retraced jokes  , that'll jokes  , sitting jokes  , Seamus' jokes  , farmers jokes |It was Paddy and Seamus giving the motorcycle a ride on a brisk autumn day. After a wee bit, Paddy who was sitt\'n behind Seamus on the bike began to holler ...\"Seamus ... Seamus ... the wind is cutt\'n me chest out!\" \"Well, Paddy my lad,\" said Seamus, \"why don\'t you take your jacket off and turn it from front to back ... that\'ll block the wind for you.\" So Paddy took Seamus\' advice and turned his jacket from front to back and got back on the bike and the two of them were off down the road again. After a bit, Seamus turned to talk to Paddy and was horrified to see that Paddy was not there. Seamus immediately turned the bike around and retraced their route. When after a short time he came to a turn and saw a bunch of farmers standing around Paddy who was sitting on the ground. \"T\'anks be to heaven, is he alright?\" Seamus hailed to the farmers. \"Well,\" said one of the farmers, \" he was alright when we found him here .. but since we turned his head back to front .. he hasn\'t said a word since!\"Paddy and Seamus]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/11621/Boy-or-Girl.aspx Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:40:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , night-shirt jokes  , itty-bitty jokes  , maternity jokes  , downward jokes  , blankets jokes  , hospital jokes  , booties" jokes  , new-born jokes In the maternity ward of a hospital, new-born girl baby looks over at new-born boy baby and asks, \"Are you a girl baby or a boy baby?\" The boy baby quickly chirps up, \"I\'m a boy baby!\" \"How can you tell?\" asks girl baby. \"Easy,\" says boy baby. And, with that, he threw off the blankets, hoisted up his itty-bitty night-shirt and proudly pointed downward. \"See.....blue booties\"Boy or Girl]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/11850/Signs-You-Hired-The-Wrong-Kid-To-Mow-Your-Lawn.aspx Sat, 27 Jun 2009 18:44:24 -0500 Filed as
grass-catcher jokes  , Miscellaneous jokes  , silhouettes jokes  , fascinated jokes  , frequently jokes  , stenciled jokes  , clippings jokes  , thirteen jokes  , stopping jokes He shows up with a pair of nail clippers and a Ziploc bag. On the side of his mower you notice the stenciled silhouettes of thirteen cats. Stops frequently to nap inside the grass-catcher. Always trying to impress you by stopping the mower blades with his head. You notice him shoving the last of his clothes into the mulcher. He\'s fascinated by the details of you home security system. Stops every couple of minutes to smoke some clippings. Somehow manages to mow the hood ornament off your Lexus. Turns a goat loose and says he\'ll be back in three weeks. No toes.Signs You Hired The Wrong Kid To Mow Your Lawn]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/12854/Signs-you-ve-grown-up.aspx Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:08:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , information jokes  , comfortable jokes  , McDonald's jokes  , twin-sized jokes  , drugstore jokes  , Ibuprofen jokes  , insurance jokes  , pregnancy jokes 1. Your potted plants stay alive. 2. Having sex in a twin-sized bed is absurd. 3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge. 4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to sleep. 5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator. 6. You carry an umbrella. You watch the Weather Channel. 7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and break-up. 8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to7. 9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as \'dressed up\'. 10. You\'re the one calling the police because those darn kids next door don\'t know how to turn down the stereo. 11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you. 12. You don\'t know what time Taco Bell closes anymore. 13. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up. 14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald\'s. 15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt. 16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m. 17. Dinner and a movie - it\'s the whole date instead of just the beginning of one. 18. MTV News is no longer your primary source for information. 19. You go to the drugstore for Ibuprofen and antacids, not condoms and pregnancy test kits. 20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer \'pretty good stuff\'. 21. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time. 22. Grocery lists are longer than macaroni & cheese, diet Pepsi, Ho-Ho\'s. 23. \"I just can\'t drink the way I used to\" replaces \"I\'m never going to drink that much again.\" 24. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. 25. You don\'t drink at home to save money before going to a bar.Signs you\\'ve grown up!]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/13445/Young-Man.aspx Tue, 30 Jun 2009 15:04:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , approached jokes  , suddenly jokes  , flashed jokes  , enough jokes  , stroke jokes  , wasn't jokes  , ladies jokes  , quick jokes Three old ladies went for a walk in the park, they were suddenly approached by a man who flashed at them, two of them had a stroke - the third wasn\'t quick enough..Young Man !]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/13612/Unmarried-In-BMW.aspx Mon, 29 Jun 2009 12:57:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , unmarried jokes  , Divorcee jokes  , blond jokes  , call jokes  , BMW jokes Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?A: Divorcee.Unmarried In BMW]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/13896/Three-Limericks.aspx Thu, 02 Jul 2009 13:19:24 -0500 Filed as
---------------Euphemism jokes  , -------------Juno's jokes  , ----------------Oh jokes  , Miscellaneous jokes  , completely jokes  , Hercules' jokes  , timorous jokes  , Although jokes  , whatever jokes Although Cupid got all the girls hot, a great lover himself he was not. They would say, \"Sorry, sport, but your arrow\'s too short-- What we want is what Hercules\' got.\" ---------------Euphemism is all very well, but if I really am going to hell, I\'d rather it be for lechery, not for \"loving the ladies too well.\" -------------Juno\'s measure of fury was full, but Zeus had a trick he could pull. He said, \"Surely, my dear, whatever you hear from Europa is all cock and bull.\" ----------------Oh a pussy\'s a timorous beast, needing petting and patience at least, but she\'ll alter completely, if handled quite sweetly, and sit up and roar when she\'s greased.Three Limericks]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/14381/Definition-of-a-Wife.aspx Mon, 29 Jun 2009 13:04:24 -0500 Filed as
Wife:(B)eautiful jokes  , (I)ntelligent jokes  , Miscellaneous jokes  , (H)omemaker jokes  , (C)harming jokes  , Definition jokes  , (T)alented jokes Definition of a Wife:(B)eautiful (I)ntelligent (T)alented (C)harming (H)omemakerDefinition of a Wife!]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/14652/Love-Old-and-Feeble.aspx Mon, 29 Jun 2009 22:05:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , Husband: jokes  , Spouse: jokes  , Darling jokes  , feeble jokes  , love jokes  , bet jokes  , I'm jokes  , old jokes Husband: Darling, will you love me when I\'m old and feeble?Spouse: You bet I do.Love Old and Feeble]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/14991/Surgeon-General-Warnings.aspx Mon, 29 Jun 2009 09:45:24 -0500 Filed as
non-confidential jokes  , implementation jokes  , Miscellaneous jokes  , superannuated jokes  , jurisdictions jokes  , physiological jokes  , deterioration jokes  , participation jokes  , distribution jokes Surgeon General C. Everett Koop, in conjunction with research associate Dr. Ed Bluestone of the Surgeon General\'s office, has compiled for non-confidential distribution a list of activities which, while not definitely linked to death or established as causative factors in any specific form of physical or physiological deterioration, have been determined through exhaustive reiteration to be detrimental to the human condition and specifically to the welfare of their perpetrator.While implementation of any of these activities is not specifically illegal as cited by state or federal jurisdictions, engagement in any of said activities could very probably be construed as a gross breach of common etiquette constraints and/or moral codes and analogs.Widespread or accelerated participation in any of the listed activities by an increasing or superannuated segment of the population would be frowned on by and erosive to all reasonable, respected, and stalwart facets of American society.The Surgeon General warns:1. Never raise your hand during a hijacking to indicate that you get a kosher meal.2. Never ask a bald man if you can borrow his toupee to clean your windshield.3. Never moon a werewolf.5. Never squeeze a parakeet to death while screaming, \"I want the name of your accomplice!\"6. Never threaten to punish your Dalmation with spot remover.7. Never use a bulldog as a surrogate mother.8. Never hire an attorney who can discuss specific episodes of The Flintstones.9. Never trust an Oriental dentist who sells miniature ivory animals.10. Never ask a dog with rabies if he would like you to floss his teeth.11. Never believe your dog when he tells you that while you were out, your parents came over and drank water out of your toilet.12. Never take a cockroach hostage and expect anyone to negotiate with you.13. Never walk your dog around someone else\'s living room with a pooper scooper in your hand.14. Never say to a lobster before you boil him, \"Let me know if your bath is too hot.\"15. Never tell an IRS auditor that if he doesn\'t leave you alone, you plan to cheat again next year.16. Never tell Yasser Arafat that you think Newark should be the Palestinian homeland.Surgeon General Warnings]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/15022/Big-Memory-Problem.aspx Sat, 27 Jun 2009 16:30:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , anything jokes  , remember jokes  , Patient: jokes  , problem jokes  , Doctor: jokes  , serious jokes  , Doctor jokes  , memory jokes Patient: Doctor, I have a serious memory problem. I can\'t remember anything! Doctor: So, since when did you have this problem? Patient: What problem?Big Memory Problem]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/15749/The-World-s-Shortest-Books.aspx Thu, 02 Jul 2009 14:44:24 -0500 Filed as
Opportunities jokes  , Miscellaneous jokes  , Hospitality7 jokes  , Motivational jokes  , Kevorkian's jokes  , DeGeneres23 jokes  , Dominance10 jokes  , Directory1 jokes  , Difference jokes The World\'s Shortest Books25. \"My Plan To Find The Real Killers\" by O.J. Simpson24. \"To All The Men I\'ve Loved Before\" by Ellen DeGeneres23. \"The Book of Virtues\" by Bill Clinton22. The Difference between Reality and Dilbert21. Human Rights Advances in China20. \"Things I Wouldn\'t Do for Money\" by Dennis Rodman19. Al Gore: The Wild Years18. Amelia Earhart\'s Guide to the Pacific Ocean17. America\'s Most Popular Lawyers16. Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors15. Detroit - A Travel Guide14. Different Ways to Spell \"Bob\"13. Dr. Kevorkian\'s Collection of Motivational Speeches12. Easy UNIX11. Ethiopian Tips on World Dominance10. Everything Men Know About Women9. Everything Women Know About Men8. French Hospitality7. George Foreman\'s Big Book of Baby Names6. \"How to Sustain a Musical Career\" by Art Garfunkel5. Mike Tyson\'s Guide to Dating Etiquette4. Spotted Owl Recipes by the EPA3. Staple Your Way to Success2. The Amish Phone Directory1. The Engineer\'s Guide to FashionThe World\\'s Shortest Books]]> http://jokes.aspcode.net/16240/Macintosh-Computers.aspx Sun, 28 Jun 2009 06:37:24 -0500 Filed as
Miscellaneous jokes  , Applications jokes  , MACINTOSH jokes  , Operating jokes  , stands jokes  , System jokes  , Hangs jokes  , Crash jokes  , Most jokes MACINTOSH stands for...Most Applications Crash, If Not, The Operating System Hangs.Macintosh Computers]]>