Why can't the government put Magic Johnson on a stamp? Everyone would be afraid to lick it.
Microsoft Addresses Justice Department AccusationsREDMOND, Wash. - Oct. 23, 1997 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, the Microsoft Corp. announced today that it will be acquiring the federal government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our planned growth", said Microsoft chairman Bill Gates, "It really is going to be a positive arrangement for everyone".
A minister was asked by a politician,"Name something the government can do to help the church. "The minister replied, "Quit making one dollar bills. "
If men had PMS/PMT, what would happen? a. The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b. Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c. There would be a federal holiday every 28 days
If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.
At a government affair, the wives of four worldleaders are chatting about how people refer to apenis in their countries. The wife of Tony Blair says in England peoplecall it a gentleman, because it stands up whenwomen are entering. The wife of Boris Yeltsin says in Russia you callit a patriot, because you never know if it willhit you on the front or on the back side. The wife of Chirac says in France you call it acurtain, because it goes down after the act. With great resignation, the wife of Clinton saysin the USA you call it a rumor, because itgoes from mouth to mouth. . . Sent by Igor
What is the difference between the government and the Mafia? One of them is organized.
Why is the government like a prostitute? Your always getting screwed and you have to pay for it!
One night Bill Clinton was awakened by George Washington's ghost in the White House. "George, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. "Set an honest and honorable example, just as I did," advised George. The next night the ghost of Thomas Jefferson moved through the dark bedroom. "Tom, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. "Cut taxes and reduce the size of government," advised Tom. Clinton didn't sleep well the next night, and saw yet another figure moving in the shadows. It was Abraham Lincoln's ghost. "Abe, what is the best thing I could do to help the country? " Clinton asked. Abe replied, "Go to the theater. "
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room tableworking on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapterabout government. The boy turns to his father and asks,"Dad, how many people work in the U. S. government? "The father replies without hesitating, "Oh, about ten percent. "
Question: What is 1 + 2 ? Politician: Well, if you look at the seasonally adjusted figures,you'll find that it's reasonably in line with government predictions. Physicist: I won't tell you until you tell me what you want to use it for. Lawyer: It makes one and a half each.
|For the past three years, the government has worked hard and spent many tax dollars to find the approval ratings for unemployment. They have concluded that a 7% unemployment level is acceptable to 93% of the working population. Now let's just hope that the unemployment rate doesn't change.
|The ornaments would be large perfectly smooth and seamless black cubes. Christmas morning there would be presents for everyone, but no one would know what they were. Their service department would have an unlisted phone number, and be located at the North Pole. Blueprints for ornaments would be highly classified government documents. X-Files would have an episode about them.
|What is the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature!
A Texan goes to Toronto for a vacation. There he grabs a cab at the airport and says he's on his way to The Royal York Hotel. The Cabby heads downtown on his way he passes Queens Park,"What's that" says the Texan"Oh! That's Queens Park" says the Cabby, "Its our Provincial Government, its like your State Government" Those buildings are almost 200 years old and they are quite big". Oh! We have buildings much older than that and at least twice as large" says the Texan. They continue along and past First Canadian Place. "Holy cow" says the Texan "What's that"? "Why that's First Canadian Place, its the biggest office complex in the country" says the Cabby " it took almost 4 years to build". "Really" says the Texan "Why in Houston they have buildings twice that big, and built in less than 1/2 the time"They continue on the way, the cabby a little miffed at the bragging, when they drive past the CN Tower. Now the Texan has his head out the window looking up at the 1850' tower and rotating restaurant at 1300'"Holy Crap!" says the Texan. "What in gods name is that? How long did it take to build that!The Cabby non chalantly glances out the window and says -"Heck if I know, it wasn't there yesterday"!
Q: Why did Smokey the Bear never have any children? A: When his wife got hot, he beat her with a shovel. Q: Why don't they let government workers look out the window in the morning? A: So they will have something to do in the afternoon. A girl criticized my apartment so I knocked her flat. The first civilian on the shuttle was an English teacher. Now she's history.
The US government is throwing away millions of unused stamps withpictures of favorite lawyers on them. The people that use them don’t know which side to spit on!
A government study has shown that blondes do have more fun - they just don't remember who with.
If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanentdisability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.
What's the difference between government bonds and men? Bonds mature.