A blond at a party was telling her friend thatshe was off men for life. "They lie, they cheatand they're just no good. From now on when I wantsex, I'm going to use my vibrator""So, what when the batteries run out? " asked her friend"I'll just fake an orgasm like always. "
What do a moped and a blonde have in common? They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
How do Jewish people celebrate Christmas? They all gather around their cash registers and sing"What a Friend We Have In Jesus. . . "
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
A lady with a large flowery hat was stopped at the church door by the usher. "Are you a friend of the bride ? " he asked. "Certainly not," she snapped, "I'm the groom's mother. "
A man complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house,a big car, the love of a beautiful woman . . . then . . . pow! . . . it was all gone!""What happened? " asked the friend. "Ahhhh . . . my wife found out . . . "
A Friend's PrayerMay the fleas of a thousand camels infest the crotch of the person whoscrews up your day and may their arms be too short to scratch. Amen
What is a man's best friend? His dick because it always sitcks up for him.
What does Ted Kennedy have that Bill Clinton wishes he had? ? An ex-wife and a dead girl friend.
A man walks into a friend and sees that his friend's caris total loss and covered with leaves, grass, branches,dirt and blood. He asks his friend,"What's happened to your car? ""Well," the friend responses, "I ran into a lawyer". "OK," says the man, "that explains the blood. . . But what about the leaves, the grass, the branches and the dirt? ""Well, I had to chase him all through the park. "
|I have a friend who is a pilot on a 747. I said "Hi Jack. "He shot me.
|The banker fell overboard from a friend's sailboat. The friend grabbed a life preserver, held it up, not knowing if the banker could swim, and shouted, "Can you float alone? ""Obviously," the banker replied, "but this is a heck of a time to talk business. "
|What did the mouse say when his friend broke his front teeth? Hard cheese!
|What did the maggot say to his friend when he got stuck in an apple? Worm your way out of that one!
|There is a story about the Irishman who drowned while he was digging a grave for a friend. He'd wanted to be buried at sea.
TWO TAMPONS WERE CROSSING THE STREET. THEY SEE A FRIEND. WHICH ONE WAVES? NEITHER, THEY ARE BOTH STUCK UP CUNTS.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush? A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.
Diamonds are a girl's best friend. Dogs are man's best friend. So which is the dumber sex?
A man was complaining to a friend:"I had it all; money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman; then, Pow! it was all gone!""What happened? " asked the friend. "My wife found out. . . "
A woman tells her friend, "My husband is an angel. "Her friend replies, "You're lucky, mine is still alive. "