There are several different kinds of doctors, and it is told that they can be differentiated by the following method:General Practitioners know nothing and do little. Surgeons know little and do everything. Internists know everything and do nothing. Pathologists know everything and can do everything, but it's usually too late.
A teacher said to her little student Suzy, "Punctuate the following sentence: Fun fun fun worry worry worry. "Little Suzy thought for a moment and began her reply, "Let's see. Fun period fun period fun no period worry worry worry!!!"
Following a bitter divorce a husband saw his wife at a party and sneered, "You know, I was a fool when I married you. " The wife simply sighed and replied, "Yes, dear, I know, but I was in love and didn't really notice. "
A tipsy guy in a bar stood and made the following speech, "I am white from head to toe. I am rich and I am handsome. My name is Brown. B-R-O-W-N. " Thoroughly annoyed, Sam retorted, "My name is Sam and I am white from head to toe. Except my asshole. Which is brown. B-R-O-W-N. "
Consider the following:Female guitar player shouting at her boyfriend in acrowded shopping mall: "Don't forget, sweetheart,I need a new G string!"
Which of the following doesn't belong? (a) meat(b) eggs(c) wife(d) blow job(D) A blowjob because its possible to beat your meat,your eggs or your wife, but you can't beat a blowjob
A woman had some problems, so she went to her doctor of twenty years. They had the following conversation: Dr. : Take the red pill after breakfast with one glass of water. Woman: Ok. Dr: Take the blue pill after lunch with two glasses of water. Woman: Ok. Dr. : Take the yellow pill after dinner with three glasses of water. After giving these instructions to the woman, she asks, "Can you tell me what's wrong with me Dr. ? Dr. : Yeah. You do not drink enough water.
Which of the following lines will do a better job of frightening a man away? 1) Get away or I'll call the police!!!2) I love you and want to marry you and have your children.
One day, a fellow went for a ride through the park on his bicycle. The following day, a friend asked him if he would like to do it again. He replied, "No thanks, I'm not into recycling. "
Safest Way to Drive Peter Ludwig, a caver from Austria who is appalled by American drivinghabits, offers the following advice:The probability of being involved in a traffic accident is directlyproportional to time spent on the road. Driving fast decreases one'sexposure. One third of traffic accidents are caused by drunk drivers; two thirdsare caused by non-drunk drivers. Therefore, the safest way to drive is drunk and VERY fast.
|An elderly fisherman wrote to a mail order house the following: "Please send me one of those gasoline engines for my boat you show on page 438, and if it's any good, I'll send you a check. "In a short time he received the following reply: "Please send check. If it's any good, we'll send the engine. "
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. This last weekend I was reminded at the pace we are converting to metric. I was on I-75 in Ohio when I saw a sign that said:All signs metricNext 20 miles
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. On Saturday last, I had dinner at a local Chinese restaurant. My fortune read:"You will gain admiration from your pears. "Comice? Bartlett? Canned? I don't grow or eat them, anyway.
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. Chicago TribuneWilliam P. Holcomb, whose job is to supervise the tracking down of Houston, Texas parking ticket violators. It was revealed that he had 375 unpaid tickets.
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. GET OUT YOUR 'PORTABLE HAND-HELD COMMUNICATIONS INSCRIBERS'WASHINGTON - When is a pencil not a pencil? When it's on a Pentagon shopping list - then it's a ''portable hand-held communications inscriber,'' says a Republican senator.
|The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. A little boy wrote this letter to his grandmother:Dear Grandmother,I'm sorry I forgot your birthday last week. It would serve me right if you forgot mine next Tuesday. With love,Mike
A university creative writing class was asked to write a concise essay containing the following four elements:Religion, Royalty, Sex, and Mystery. The prize-winning essay read: "My God," said the Queen. "I'm pregnant. I wonder who did it? "
Q: How would a blond punctuate the following? : "Fun fun fun worryworry worry"A: Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
The real name of "the" Bill Gates is William Henry Gates III. Nowadays he is known as Bill Gates (III), where "III" means the order of third (3rd. )By converting the letters of his current name to the ASCII-values and adding his (III), you get the following:B. . . . . . . 66I. . . . . . . 73L. . . . . . . 76L. . . . . . . 76G. . . . . . . 71A. . . . . . . 65T. . . . . . . 84E. . . . . . . 69S. . . . . . . 83. . . . . . . . 3--------------. . . . . . . 666 !!Some might ask, "How did Bill Gates get so powerful? " Coincidence? Or just the beginning of mankind's ultimate and total enslavement? ? ? YOU decide!Before you decide, consider the following:M S - D O S 6 . 2 177 83 45 68 79 83 32 54 46 50 49 = 666W I N D O W S 9 587 73 78 68 79 87 83 57 53 1 = 666Coincidence? I think not.
The following phrase:PRESIDENT CLINTON OF THE USA can be rearranged (with no lettersleft over, and using each letter only once) into:TO COPULATE HE FINDS INTERNSCoincidence? I think not!