An escalator can never break; it can only become stairs. You would never see an "Escalator temporarily out of order" sign, just "Escalator temporarily stairs. Sorry for the convenience. "-Mitch Hedberg
I want to become a politician when I grow up so I've made a list of skills I want to aquire, butI've only come up with one: Lying.
So my sister, a natural blond graduating from the University of North Carolina Law School, is job hunting. I suggested that since Microsoft is building up their legal team, she should send them a resume and become a southern blond Microsoft lawyer -- and be the butt of any joke on the internet.
Q: When does a person decide to become an accountant? A: When he realises he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.
For many years, the border between Poland and Russia was volatile. Due to a political shift, a farmer found that he was no longer a Russian, but had become a Pole. Thrilled, he told his wife, "Thank God ! No more of those freezing Russian winters. "
Why can't black women become nuns? They can't say superior after mother.
If you take an Oriental person and spin himaround several times, does he become disoriented?
NOVICE: Do clever men make good husbands? SAGE: Clever men don't BECOME husbands!
How do dentists become brain surgeons? When their drills slip.
If men had PMS/PMT, what would happen? a. The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b. Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c. There would be a federal holiday every 28 days
If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanent disability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.
A redneck calles up the White House and tells the receptionist:"I'd like to become the next President of the United States. "The receptionist: "What are you, an idiot? "Redneck: "Why, is it required? "
|The world is divided into two groups. There are those who know, and those who don't know. Those who know are no problem. Those who don't know are also in two groups. One is those who don't know and know they don't know. Well, they can learn!But then, there are those who don't know, and don't know they don't know. And they become unit managers!
|"The fees for withdrawing money from your ATM machines are expected to double, even triple. You're gonna pay two to three as much to withdraw your money so basically the ATM machines have become full service. Instead of getting robbed at the ATM machine the ATM machine robs you. You eliminate the middle man. " - Jay Leno
|Why did the toad become a lighthouse keeper? He had his own frog horn!
|It is proven that the celebration of birthdays is healthy. Statistics show that those people who celebrate the most birthdays become the oldest. -- S. den Hartog, Ph D. Thesis Universtity of Groningen.
There was once a young man who, in his youth, professed his desire to become a great writer. When asked to define "great" he said, "I want to write stuff that the whole world will read, stuff that people will react to on a truly emotional level, stuff that will make them scream, cry, howl in pain and anger!" He now works for Microsoft, writing error messages.
If men had PMS, what would happen? a) The federal government would allocate funds to study it. b) Cramps would become an acceptable reason to apply for permanentdisability. c) There would be a federal holiday every 28 days. d) All of the above.
Did you here about the pharmaceutical company? They developed a new drug that, when administered to women, compels them to go join a convent and become a nun. The FDA refused to license it, though. Seems it was habit-forming.
What do lawyers and sperm have in common? One in a million become a human being.