A blonde goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer decides to start with the basics. 'So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please? ' The blonde counts carefully on her fingers forabout 30 seconds before replying, 'Ehhhh . . 22!' The interviewer tries another straightforward oneto break the ice. 'And can you tell us your height, please? ' The young lady stands up and produces a measuringtape from her handbag. She then traps one endunder her foot and extends the tape to the top ofher head. She checks the measurement and announces,'Five foot two!' This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes forthe real basics. 'And uhh, just to confirm for ourrecords, your name please? ' The blonde bobs her head from side to side for abouttwenty seconds, mouthing something silently to herself,before replying, 'Mandy!' The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, sohe asks, 'Just out of curiosity, Miss. We can understandyour counting on your fingers to work out your age, andthe measuring tape for your height is obvious, but whatwere you doing when we asked you your name? ' 'Ohh that!', replies the blonde, 'That's just me runningthrough 'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you. . . . ''
|A keen analyst: Thoroughly confused. Accepts new job assignments willingly: Never finishes a job. Active socially: Drinks heavily. Alert to company developments: An office gossip. Approaches difficult problems with logic: Finds someone else to do the job. Average: Not too bright. Bridge builder: Likes to compromise. Character above reproach: Still one step ahead of the law. Charismatic: No interest in any opinion but his own. Competent: Is still able to get work done if supervisor helps. Conscientious and careful: Scared. Consults with co-workers often: Indecisive, confused, and clueless. Consults with supervisor often: Very annoying. Delegates responsibility effectively: Passes the buck well. Demonstrates qualities of leadership: Has a loud voice. Displays excellent intuitive judgement: Knows when to disappear. Displays great dexterity and agility: Dodges and evades superiors well. Enjoys job: Needs more to do. Excels in sustaining concentration but avoids confrontations: Ignores everyone. Excels in the effective application of skills: Makes a good cup of coffee. Exceptionally well qualified: Has committed no major blunders to date. Expresses self well: Can string two sentences together. Gets along extremely well with superiors and subordinates alike: A coward. Happy: Paid too much. Hard worker: Usually does it the hard way. Identifies major management problems: Complains a lot. Indifferent to instruction: Knows more than superiors. Internationally know: Likes to go to conferences and trade shows in Las Vegas. Is well informed: Knows all office gossip and where all the skeletons are kept. Inspires the cooperation of others: Gets everyone else to do the work. Is unusually loyal: Wanted by no-one else. Judgement is usually sound: Lucky. Keen sense of humor: Knows lots of dirty jokes. Keeps informed on business issues: Subscribes to Playboy and National Enquirer. Listens well: Has no ideas of his own. Maintains a high degree of participation: Comes to work on time. Maintains professional attitude: A snob. Meticulous in attention to detail: A nitpicker. Mover and shaker: Favors steamroller tactics without regard for other opinions. Not a desk person: Did not go to college. Of great value to the organization: Turns in work on time. Use all available resources: Takes office supplies home for personal use. Quick thinking: Offers plausible excuses for errors. Requires work-value attitudinal readjustment: Lazy and hard-headed. Should go far: Please. Slightly below average: Stupid. Spends extra hours on the job: Miserable home life. Stern disciplinarian: A real jerk. Straightforward: Blunt and insensitive. Strong adherence to principles: Stubborn. Tactful in dealing with superiors: Knows when to keep mouth shut. Takes advantage of every opportunity to progress: Buys drinks for superiors. Takes pride in work: Conceited. Unlimited potential: Will stick with us until retirement. Uses resources well: Delegates everything. Uses time effectively: Clock watcher. Very creative: Finds 22 reasons to do anything except original work. Visionary: Cannot handle paperwork or any project that lasts less than a week. Well organized: Does too much busywork. Will go far: Relative of management. Willing to take calculated risks: Doesn't mind spending someone else's money. Zealous attitude: Opinionated.
A Blonde airhead goes for a job interview in an office. The interviewer starts with the basics. "So, Miss, can you tell us your age, please? "The blonde counts carefully on her fingers for half a minute before replying "Ehhhh. . . 22!"The interviewer tries another straightforward one to break the ice. "And can you tell us your height, please? "The young lady stands up and produces a measuring tape from her handbag. She then traps one end under her foot and extends the tape to the top of her head. She checks the measurement and announces "Five foot two!"This isn't looking good so the interviewer goes for the real basics; something the interviewee won't have to count, measure, or lookup. "Just to confirm for our records, your name please? "The airhead bobs her head from side to side for about ten seconds, mouthing something silently to herself, before replying "MANDY!"The interviewer is completely baffled at this stage, so he asks -"What in the world were you doing when I asked you your name? ""Ohhhh, that!" replies the airhead. . . " I was just running through that song -'Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you, happy birthday dear. . . ' "
Definitions of A Diplomat:Always knows what to talk about, but doesn't always talk about what he knows. Always tries to settle problems created by other diplomats. Can always make himself misunderstood. Can bring home the bacon without spilling the beans. Can convince his wife not to hide her nice body under a floor-length sable. Can convince his wife to show off her new coat in a bus rather than in a taxi. Can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue. Can keep his shirt on while getting something off his chest. Can look happy when he has unexpected dinner guests. Can make his wife believe she will look fat in a mink coat. Can make nothing sound like something. Can put his best foot forward when he doesn't have a leg to stand on. Can put his foot down without stepping on someone's toes. Can say the nastiest things in the nicest way. Can tell a man he's open-minded when he means he has a hole in his head. Can tell you to go to hell so tactfully that you look forward to the trip. Comes right out and says what he thinks when he agrees with you. Divides his time between running for office and running for cover. Has a straightforward way of dodging issues. Knows how far to go before he goes too far. Lets you do all the talking while he gets what he wants. Never tells a woman how nice she looks in a gown. He tells her how nice the gown looks on her. Puts his cards on the table, but still has some up each sleeve. Straddles an issue whenever he isn't dodging one. Will approach every question with an open mouth. Will lay down your life for his country. Will refuse to answer any question on the ground it might eliminate him.