What is an activity performed by 40% of all people at a party? Snoop in your medicine cabinet.
What do you call an armless, legless leper in a swimming pool? Bob
What's the worst part about getting a lung transplant? The first couple of times you cough, its not your phlegm. . .
What is red and sticky and crawls up a girls thigh? A home-sick abortion.
What is the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer? The taste.
What do you do when an epilectic takes a bath? Throw in your laundry.
Whats blue and doesn't fit any more? - A dead epileptic.
A Psychiatrist is just a Jewish doctor who can't stand the sight of blood.
A doctor fell into a well once. He learned to tend to the sick and leave the well alone.
There was the surgeon who was arrested for drunkendriving. They let him go, though. He was already an hourlate for an operation.
I said to the doctor "I have this ringing in my ears. "He said, "Don't answer it!"
Patient: (to cosmetic-surgeon) 'Will it hurt, doctor? Surgeon: 'Only when you get my bill, Mrs Brown'.
Why do doctors slap babies when they are born? To knock the penises off the smart ones.
Name something a duck can do, that a doctor won't. Stick his bill up his ass.
What's the difference between an oral thermometer and a rectal thermometer? The taste.
Q: Does pregnancy cause hemorrhoids? A: Pregnancy causes anything you want to blame it for.
How do dentists become brain surgeons? When their drills slip.
What's the definition of bravery? A man with diarrhea chancing a fart!
What should you give a man who has everything? Penicillin
What do you do if someone's having a seizure in a bathtub? Throw in a load of laundry.