We have collected some of the most crazy and funny jokes for you to laught at!
* You recycle your own toilet paper * Your mom has to shave more times a month than your dad * You see a bill board that says "Don't do crack" and it reminds you to pull up your pants. * You stare at a carton of orange juice because it says "concentrate. " * Your bumper sticker reads: "One more Whore and We Get Gore. " * The nativity scene you set up in your yard at Christmas includes two pink flamingos and baby Jesus lying in a painted tire. * Most of your teeth are on a chain around your neck. * You hunt from your bedroom window. * Your dad walks you to school because you're in the same grade. * You refrigerate your food stamps. * You use a 10 penny nail to pick your teeth after a night of road kill. * You have ever dressed your child as a "Snot-rag" for Halloween. * Your idea of a loaded dishwasher is getting your wife drunk. * You and your spouse get divorced and you are still relatives. * You go to your local ice cream store and order Copenhagen "sprinkles" on your cone. * You know instinctively that red wine goes with opossum. * You're always looking to find your Mother-in-Law's picture on the back of a milk carton! * The officer that just pulled you over asks if "you have any I. D. ". . and you respond "About whut? " * You take a beer to a job interview. * You are caught roll'n your trailer down the street to jump start the heater. * When you finish eatin' your bologna you use the rind for dental floss. * You go to Goodwill to meet women. * You and your friends are putting an engine in a pickup, drinking beer, and the conversation is: Which county jail has the best food!
The Pope died and went to heaven. When he got there, he found a lawyer in line in front of him at the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter came over and told the Pope, "Just a minute, I'll be right back". At that, Saint Peter took the lawyer away. When Saint Peter came back, he told the Pope, "Follow me to your new quarters. " Along the way they passed many people in their heavenly abodes, and they happened to pass by the quarters of the lawyer who had preceded Saint Peter through the Pearly Gates. The Pope was awe-struck by the opulence and splendor of the lawyer's quarters. There were fine silks, rare foods and drinks, soft music, and attractive young women to serve him for eternity. Saint Peter and the Pope finally arrived at the Pope's new quarters. The Pope looked in and saw a 6 foot by 9 foot room with bare walls, a plain bed and a Bible for entertainment. The Pope said, "I don't want to sound ungrateful, but I am wondering why the lawyer gets such a magnificent room and I get this small room. Saint Peter said, "Well, you see, we have a great many popes here in heaven, but only ONE lawyer. "
Q: What's the difference between Indiana and a blonde? A: A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.
Women truly are better than men. Otherwise, they'd be intolerable. - Ed AbbeyIn everything but brains and brawn, women are vastly superior to men. - Ed AbbeyGirls, like flowers, bloom but once. But once is enough. - Edward AbbeyWomen who love only women may have a good point. - Edward AbbeyWomen: We cannot love them all. But we must try. - Edward AbbeyThe feminists have a legitimate grievance. But so does everyone else. - Edward AbbeyHer figure described a set of parabolas that could cause cardiac arrest in a yak. - Woody AllenWoman: A creature whom a man can't get along with or without. Animal usually living in the vicinity of man, and having a rudimentary susceptibility to domestication. - Ambrose BierceWoman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them. - DumasWomen! You can't live with them, you can't do most positions without them. - Dan Fielding (from the "Night Court" television series)The great question. . . Which I have not been able to answer. . . is, "What does a woman want? " - FreudWomen are one of the Almighty's enigmas to prove to men that He knows more than they do. - Ellen GlasglowNature has given women so much power that the law has very wisely given them little. - Dr. JohnsonBeing a woman is of special interest to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is simply a good excuse not to play football. - Fran LebowitzIt's so hard for women, even nice women, to realize that their bodies are not irresistible. - Philip Marlowe "The Big Sleep" (1939) a novel by Raymond ChandlerOnly one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow women. - Groucho MarxMen always want to please women, but these last 15 years, women have been hard to please. If you want to resist the feminist movement, the simple way to do it is to give them what they want and they'll defeat themselves. Today, you've got endless women in their 20s and 30s who don't know if they want to be a mother, have lunch, or be secretary of state. - actor Jack NicholsonThere are a number of mechanical devices that increase sexual arousal, particularly in women. Chief amongst these is the Mercedes-Benz 380L Convertible. - P. J. O'RourkeDid you know that woman speaks eighteen languages? . . . And can't say 'no' in any of them. - Dorothy ParkerWomen: You can't live with them, and you can't get them to dress up in a skimpy Nazi costume and beat you with a warm squash. - Emo PhillipsA woman is like a dresser; some man always goin' through her drawers. - Blind Lemon PledgeFeminism: A socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians. - Pat RobertsonIf someone were to ask me for a short cut to sensuality, I would suggest he go shopping for a used 427 Shelby-Cobra. But it is only fair to warn you that of the 300 guys who switched to them in 1966, only two went back to women. - Mort SahlWomen's magazines always seem to me to be instructing aliens on how to act like women. It's as though the people reading know nothing: what to wear at a picnic, what to eat when you get to the picnic. It's for pods who want to impersonate humans. On the other hand, there's very little advice in men's magazines, because men don't think there's a lot they don't know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, "I know what I'm doing, just show me somebody naked. " - comic Jerry Seinfeld, in EsquireI think that maybe if women and children were in charge, we would get somewhere - James ThurberFeminists say 60 percent of the country's wealth is in the hands of women. They're letting men hold the other 40 percent because their handbags are full. - Earl WilsonA lady is a woman who never shows her underwear unintentionally. A pessimist is a man who thinks all women are bad; an optimist hopes they are. A man uses guns, knives, and explosives to get what he wants, but a woman has some very special weapons of her own. Being a woman is quite difficult since it consists mainly of dealing with men. By the time you know a woman like a book, you're too old to start a library. Feminists are okay, I just wouldn't want my sister to marry one. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs. Never argue with a woman when she's tired. . . or when she's rested. One of the ironies of life is that it's usually the warm girls, not the cold ones, who get the fur coats. Real women don't have hot flashes, they have power surges. Women do not snore, fart, or belch; therefore, they must bitch or else they will blow up. Women who think they are the equal of men, lack ambition.
Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common? A: The more you bang it the looser it gets!